Regardless thnx for trying to help out, I realize we are dealing w/ very stupid girls here
my girlfriend just informed me I need to get tested and so do you
girlfriend?
I think you came in my ear last night and I had to pick it out infront of my kids in class today
He bought me a flower. He's totally getting head every day for a week.
Only you could be admitted to the ER and walk out with a nurse's phone number. I wish I was gay
Given my current decline of critical thinking and capacity for speech it's probably best u call the cops
some bitch filled my sink with salsa.
He returned my car yesterday. Found a duffel bag with beef jerky, condoms, and a handgun this morning. Slightly concerned
So I just stole my deans keys to break into the dining hall to get coco puffs. I shouldn't have gone to this meeting stoned.
How do you delicately ask if your friend's dad was arrested for solicitation of prostitution?
He made a toga out of my hot pink bed sheets and cracked an egg on his head. Then he proceeded to alphabetize our DVD collection, which was impressive because I'm 99% sure he couldn't have done that sober.
I asked for a cup of water. They gave me tequila. They WANT ME TO DIE
I've Ubered to the bar three times this weekend to get my car but every time I get there I end up drinking. Still no car.
You waddled all the way home with your shoes in a construction cone. I'm glad to call you my Bestfriend.
I texted her mom a picture of us doing it saying "I'm trying to make your daughter just like you!" she was not amused.
Randomize
