apparently i broke a 100 dollar bill to tip the bartender on a free drink
Cruel joke of nature. Hair on head runs from face, and hides on various parts of body. Aging sucks.
He must be back home now. He moved his box of beer from her porch to ours.
Game over. He has a paternity test request on his table.
I've slowly been stuffing french fries down his pants. I'm at 31 and he hasn't even noticed.
By the way, do you realize that you asked me how much you could get for your eggs last night. And once you learned the price said that you had plenty to share.
A dry HJ only, please. I don't deserve the comforts of lube after my horrendous fantasy football performance
The only reason I know his name is because we wrote marriage vows in orange crayon on the back of a Walmart receipt.
Only you can make me eat tacos in your car, while naked, on a dead end road in a ditch on a Thursday night.
Geez don't go to a bar for a few days and everyone freaks out.
I wish more of my problems were easily solvable by taking a good long shit.
That's a gentle way of saying I passed out like an 18-year-old on his first trip to Tijuana
Found this cake smashed up inside a box on the sidewalk. Im saying yes to adventure and eating some.
Taking a nap. Sidewalk cake kicked my ass. It had boston creme filling!
However, pretty glad I spent the night puking on my car instead of fucking him. Then I'd REALLY be miserable.
If he moved really quickly from "hi I've had a crush on you for years" to "send nudes" you probably were used.
Randomize
