if i had a dollar for every time ive had to piece a night together like they did in "the hangover", i bet i could outsell their weekend box office earnings...
you probably should not have drank the wine that everyone spits out. and the sad part, that was not even your low point last night
Ya I guess he's not a bad roommate. I mean if he wasn't here I would probably be more lazy and pee in bottles and stuff.
why did you let me tell everyone that you can get herpes from the ice luge and then let me do the ice luge?
There are work activities and non work activities and dunking my head in a bucket of ice water pulling it out and shotguning a beer is certainly not a work activity
I'm in the "I'd rather have Carbs than Dick phase" part of my Life right now. YOU tell me how much Skinny Sex I'm having.
Is it possibile to sprain your taint?
She was that bad?
Happy Birthday. May your liver respect you, fat bitches neglect you, hangovers reject you, and AA accept you.
I look like a bag of dicks so if you could ugly yourself up that'd be great.
If I hid at school to avoid the cops, is it fleeing and evading or just being a good student?
are you just sitting in your hotel room drinking popsicle vodka?
.....well anything sounds bad when you say it like THAT
I'm not sure how to explain it, but I feel like our penises have a connection. Like long lost brothers. We're not even gay.
Sounds good. I'm hoping to have my life together by next week but you never know I guess.
I've Ubered to the bar three times this weekend to get my car but every time I get there I end up drinking. Still no car.
Instead of texting me to come over, she just sends me a batman symbol.
I don't care if she's a booty call. Marry her.
Randomize
