Who keeps a bong in their car??
Kids who graduated high school two weeks ago.
She told me I was starting to look like a mermaid with herpes and I needed to stop it.
you said grace in the diner. 5am, drunk, grace. you thanked the man w the mushroom cut for the wonderful supply of screwdrivers
Just saw a drunk guy marching down the strip with a garden rake. I feel compelled to follw him
For sure. We should see if we can get Mike to pay for one, and have a triple kegger... :o==& (that's future me projectile vomiting. i try to be goal oriented)
I'd invite him but there's too many people who have fucked me going already
She barfed in the corner of the baby pool. Then she yelled "it's okay" repeatedly while trying to scoop it out.
Well, it's either jungle juice or memory of the night... It's unfortunate I can't have both
tell me there's a reason my bed smells like paint thinner
Please come and kill me with a brick you dont even have to be nice about it just smash myfucking skull in this is the worst hangover ive had for at least a week
He's like a hurricane
a drunk, sexist, hurricane
Why is it that the asexual in our group is the one that gets laid the most often??
so he's a sleeptalker.
yeah??
"Mitochondria is the powerhouse of the cell" right in my ear. 2 am.
he tried to have the "are we in a relationship" chat last night. I stuck my fingers in my ears, yelled lalalalalala very loudly at him and told him I would stop having sex with him if he ever tried that conversation again. bad person, or just being a realist?
Change the sheets & put your dick in the dishwasher. I'll see you in an hour.
Randomize
