we went to that german restaurant and drank out of the boots. Then I threw up into one
Now they're talking about doing whiskey shots since they're flipping the turkey over. You might need to drive me home.
there's a picture of you and pauly shore at a starbucks on my phone
I drank all the drinks. And jump off roof. Yay
Well, for starters, she called the condom a "dick mask."
Plus I'm on the toilet and I can only describe it as if someone had kicked the cap off of a fire hydrant.
It's all fun and games until your AARP eligible neighbors end up blacking out in your yard at 5pm with a box of franzia. I'm feeling a great year ahead
Don't mind me. My boyfriend is carrying me because I'm broken not because I'm drunk.
It's not even 9:30 yet..
Its not often you get to say, "The security guard at my job is my new drug dealer," but as of last night, I get to say it.
She said she didn't know what fireball was. We are no longer friends.
I feel like I put a fire out with my hand but idk if that was a dream or not
She was trying to be sexy well putting on my condom with her mouth when her cat pounced from the corner of the room witch caused her to gasp and inhale the condom
why the hell did we go to a rave last night?
we didn't?
definitely went to a bar with strobe lights
JENNIFER. You passed out in a toilet with a color changing light in it.
I had just gotten to his place and was about to get some dick. No way was I gonna let her negative attitude affect my orgasm feng shui
So I got a text from him saying "jacking off...thinking of you" I think I'm going to get a restraining order
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