I like complaining with weaving words and complex sentences. It makes me seem more sophisticated and less bitchy.
operation harelip BJ is a go
I'm pretty sure the only race ive ever won was to my mothers egg
i was so drunk i stopped mid-blowjob to make sure he i was with my boyfriend and not some random. twice.
I saw a seagull swallow a hot-dog whole today, it reminded me of you.
Just did lines off a tackle box. Love Montana.
Turns out my drunken logic and wordsmithing isn't quite the same as the sober version. I'm pretty sure I made fun of the managers mom at one point
using blue streamers we found on the bathroom floor was probably not the best substitute for toilet paper.
He told me that if his bed could talk, it'd write a medical journal. Guess it's too late to worry about that now.
Fuck you, jack daniels. I feel like satan laid an egg in my brain.
Every time you blow me I should make a paper crane and we'll make them into a chain and hang them from the ceiling. And then whenever we have people over and they ask what the cranes are for I'll say "reminders" and wink at you.
The guy who just got ate on True Blood had the same balls as you.
Okay, so when I go to meet your grandma, let's do a quick cum check to we don't have another "what's that on your face?" situation.
Accidentally typed message to mom that included word "kink." FML. Played it off as autocorrect from "drink" which was somehow more acceptable
Do you know who these girls are? They're baking a cake, making chicken enchiladas, and bringing me beer everytime I finish one.
Randomize
