Did you see 7 ppl got hurt at Talladaga?
Did they get their mullets stuck in an engine?
Stop bringing these fucking whores home with you. If I have to fight over the remote with a bleach blonde idiot wanting to watch the hills reruns one more time I'm pissing in your shampoo.
I was so drunk i thought Kathy Griffin was funny
she's into porn, im staying here tonight
The kid taped his penis down so that he wouldn't get a boner while dancing with girls. Oh these middle school man whores never cease to amaze me.
Sunscreen. In my vag. I hate summer sex.
the only good thing about him lasting five minutes was that nobody thinks i had sex with him or that im a slut because we were only in the bathroom for five minutes
Way too stoned bro. Was laying down on my back and thought for a good 30 mins what it would be like to be a turtle stuck on its shell
Well that's the second time I've broken a lamp during sex this month. Starting to worry I'm some kind of X-man. (this one was a wall sconce and I fully smashed it with my head and it crumbled like it was made of sugar)
If you're still up for that roadtrip, I managed to end up in Louisiana and could use a ride home.
I spent $31 at mcdonalds last night. Threw my nuggets all over the yard, ate them out of the snow, picked a fight about it, vomited, then passed out.
Naked.
I'm just trying to win a butt plug dude
all his sexual metaphors involve condiments, should I worry?
The amount of drunk I'm going to get tonight will be somewhere between Jim lahey and bojack horseman
Im legit just salty with everyone who has a penis right now
Randomize
