I fucked a guy named chris tucker last night
I feel like tequila is Gods way of lighting my fuse to do something awesome
I don't care if he acts like a don't exist 6 days a week. On the 7th day he makes makes my vagina cry. In a good way. Jesus understands.
I heard that if you win you get to have sex with me. You guys really need to stop wagering my vagina.
i cant cry in cvs. not again.
You bit the bartender when he refused to poor rum in your purse and hand you a straw.
WRONG DAY TO COME TO CLASS STONED!! WRONG DAY TO COME TO CLASS STONED!! WE'RE WATCHING BIRTHING VIDEOS!!!!
I guess I've just seen a lot of penises since then
OMG CHARGE YOUR PHONE I NEED TO KNOW IF THIS IS A GOOD PICTURE OF MY ASS
When you leave ur sleepover boy on ur front porch waiting for a cab bc work
My life has hit a new low, I just licked MDMA of someone's bed.
So you broke your ribs while fucking? Dude you just got about 25% hotter.
Fucking suck it up and drink your feelings like a normal human being.
VIVE LA RESISTANCE
Oh god, what now?
Nothing is more confusing than dreaming about being chased by jets, then waking up with an erection.
Randomize
