I was to big spoon the shit out of you right now
I'm so hungover and dru,k
So she couldn't stop dragging her teeth while she was blowing me.
Ahh dude, that fucking sucks, what'd you do about it?
Decided to drag my teeth while eating her out... She got the point.
Yeah apparently i got lonely because everyone was hooking up so i took matters into my own hands. I woke up on the floor spooning a vaccuum cleaner, a mop, 40 paper cups, and industrial grade detergent.
we smoked out of your homemade aunt jamima bong
Do you think that my Facebook profile picture kinda look like im being raped by a 10 foot polar bear ?
I just want to go to their admissions office and show them the video of him taking the flaming shot, and be like yeah...you let in the kid who lit his entire face on fire over me.
Sorry, but when you makeout with a guy in a panda suit, you know something has to change.
I took so my adderall all I can do is lie on my floor and stare too hard at my hedgehog. He has 42 spines in the dark spot on his shoulder btw.
Most girls get hit on with a $7.00 drink. You get hit on with a $750K plane.
dropping lines from Workaholics has slowly become my icebreaker when hitting on girls. who would have thought "lets get weird" would cause girls to actually get weird
Neighbour is sobbing. Difficult to masturbate.
It's one of the few times I hit fuck it levels of not caring
Like I blink, and he's face first in my vagina.
FUCKIN BIRDS ARE CHIRPING AT 4 IN THE MORNING. THE SUN ISN'T RISING YET MOTHERFUCKERS, GO BACK TO YOUR NESTS.
Way to fucking accidentally drunk dial me while you're talking to and buying other girls drinks. Don't call me.
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