Just don't lie down.. Throwing up upwards is NOT cute the second time.
just fucked my old babysitter, gotta love block parties
Sunday was the 8 month anniversary when you shot me in the face...just an FYI.
Remember the time we were horrifically hung over, went to mcdonalds, an you merely felt the weight of the mcnuggets box and knew there was an extra?
like it was yesterday
Nothing says "I forgive you for puking on me during sex" like a Facebook add the next morning...
He once got bit in the face by a dog and still got laid the same night. He owns Memorial Day Weekend
He looks like he'd be great Lego character.
Dude that girl I hooked up with Tuesday is in lecture. I told her I was from the Dominican visiting my cousin and was leaving the next day. Hiding under my hood and hangover.
I feel like a Europe failure cause I'm coming home from the club at 3:30 and so many people are just arriving... Wtf? 3:30am People! Drink earlier!
It's a Tuesday.
Apparently mr clean magic erasers don't clean blood off the ceiling
sober me is the one who makes bad decisions every boyfriend I've ever had I met sober
THAT HOSPITAL MADE ME REALIZE THAT I'M BISEXUAL
can you tell me why i woke up in a diaper and combat boots?
we cut you off when you started chasing with your slim fast shake
Does sending her to the conference instead of a competent employee and putting her in a suite make up for banging her husband behind her back?
No, but she’ll have a nice memory when she gets dumped and fired on the same day.
Randomize
