Is making out on a toilet while he is sitting down and pissing weird? cause that's what happened last night
new hobby: convincing random sorority girls around campus that we hooked up last weekend. i'm 2 for 5.
The plus side of allergy season is that after our weekend coke binge my runny nose fits right in.
Pre-game strategy: play thunder by yourself in the shower. Surprisingly, success.
After I saw you grinding on that guy with your shirt completely unbuttoned, I figured it was time for pizza.
I wish I had a "puke in your car" emoticon
apparently we spent 30 minutes inside that big Nike store turning all of their Duke gear inside out. for some reason the employees didn't stop us.
I'm not drinking anymore...and by that, I mean until St. Patrick's Day.
Put down the bong. Turn off Hey Arnold. Stop calling me football head.
I love you football head
I got to the party and found your shoes in a bag of Funyuns. You weren't even there.
The smell came through my closed door. His farts are made of rendered tires, and apparently, ghosts.
Just cried watching Wimbledon, worst comedown ever.
My body hates me. Pretty sure I drank 3 pitches full of coffee last night and took two adderal. I slept and ran a marathon at the same time. You should see my bed.
Well I didn't spend $7 on an Uber just to get limp dick
A guy caught me talking to a sock today in the Laundry room if it makes you feel any better
Sadly that does. Why...where you talking to a sock
Bc I didn't know him and I asked him where he came from and why he was hanging out with my thongs
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