the bank didn't screw up, i spent 150$ at mcdonalds last night
He kept singing "who's that peekin in my window" we thought he was high til we realized someone was lookin in the windows.
He just kept yelling "body massage machine go" at random intervals throughout the night
HOW AM I SUPPOSED TO LOOK FUCKABLE IN AN ALL NEON SPANDEX JUMPSUIT?
IM NOT TALKING TO YOU UNTIL YOU MAKE A PROCLAMATION YOU LOVE ME MORE THAN TACOS
I still don't know his name but his ass is spectacular. Like he should never wear pants.
They ran out of toilet paper so I used the rug to wipe my vagina
I would wear his ballsack as a hat if he asked me to
She's still mad at me for saying she looked pregnant and not getting her chicken nuggets.
leads to pukin, then cryin, then 24hr masturbatin binge, then cryin again and finally a combination of all 3
Do you think if I explain to her I want to have loud, unprotected sex with her sister she'll understand?
YOU FUCKED THE DARE INSTRUCTOR DIDN'T YOU?
last night you said that you wanted to hold my dick as you slept because it was like having a stuffed animal.
Idk, I know when I drink vodka my bi side comes out and I just want to make out with a girl
If I shall die, I wish to bequeath to you my personal library, my sigma tau delta presidency and all it's apparel, and a puppy.
Randomize
