i just unintentionally masturbated to my own facebook picture
Never again. I promise. My old gay body can't handle that much adrenaline twice.
no one is here. wer drinking in the beer garden in the dark and we stole a bucket of blue paint off the sidewalk. now her legs are blue.
I don't care if we have to swim home from the bar, Im not gonna sit home in the dark and read some fucking book
He referred to his penis as "a gentle giant" and said I had offended it
I've got beer and a bag of saltwater taffy and croutons, is that enough for this typhoon thing?
I drunkenly transformed into shehulk last night and lifted every single guy off the ground bc one guy told me that there was no way I was strong enough. Don't worry, I proved them wrong. Stupid stereotypical men.
Your level of morning after guilt is too much right now. Do less.
Theyll love you, its bunch of older ladies who drink whisky and sours and talk about the sex seans in Game of Throwns
I'm missing my left shoe, and there's a note on my foot (in my handwriting) that says "HAHA BITCH" Any explanation for this?
You rolled onto your side and told me 'this is the recovery position'. That was after you were stoned. You've done this way too much.
I called you daddy and let you stick things in my butt, I am a damn 11.
When I finally came to, I was in the DJ booth wearing his headphones while he was spinning. That's all I got.
My hook-up from last week somehow found me at the club, saw the girl I was trying to fuck, kissed me right in front of her, and walked off.
Started my new year off by being hospitalized with pneumonia. You?
Found out I'm pregnant.
I'll stick with pneumonia.
Randomize
