Just found out what was wrong with Esther. Turns out she's 33 and still not married. This explains everything.
Walk of shame... his parents made me go to church with them first. in my club top sweat pants and slippers. i just slapped god in the face
Hey so summary of last night. I threw up in a rain boot then tipped it over on my bed, did my laundry and passed the fuck out. I feel like I didn't see you.
She stared for a good 10 seconds before calling my dick "awe-inspiring", and then proceded to give me blueballs. All in all the ego boost made my night break even
Just painted my nails at the bar... I may be getting too comfortable here.
New term. "Find a husband" fridays. It's like thirsty thursdays, but with a dowry.
I wanna get freshman fucked up and do shady things on the last Friday of my youth.
That's what my new years consisted of. Consoling heartbroken girls and having people throw up in my hands.
some people popped out of a houseboat and asked us to their party. their houseboat IS A WEEDBOAT. it is full of weed they grow weed. EVERYWHERE.
I can't be here...my therapist just watched me take tequila shots
Just remember, Dont make worse choices than american flag pants to your own birthday party
The difference between 22 and 28 is bigger than I realised. I had the urge to put on Spongebob and give him a cookie.
Just because you are home alone for the weekend doesn't mean you can act like a nudist.
I accept your opinion but respectfully disagree. Also, I'm sitting in your chair.
I may not have my dignity, pride or sanity but I have my pants.
I woke up with a treasure map drawn on my ass. Whattt.
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