how do you clear previous safari searches on an iPhone? i asked my brother to google something for me and "big penis" "empire chinese food" and "reverse cowgirl" popped up.
it tastes like there's a party in my mouth and everyone is throwing up
i bet if teenage jesus was here he would do a shot with me
Dude, I found another chunk missing out of my tooth. Fuck drinking on tuesdays.
there are too many children here to make this hangover-friendly
So he told me he wanted to fertilize my caviar. Im avoiding all foreign exchange students from now on.
perfect irony that i'm celebrating international women's day with a yeast infection
There are very few times i will succumb to laying naked on my bathroom floor. But lastnight is a resonable enough cause.
I think I might be harboring a Canadian in my womb.
I was on etsy and I'm like those boobs look way too familiar
My move is emasculating men with my superior intellect and it's not as charming when they can't see my huge rack.
No more bourbon. Sleep now. I may die. Pray for me.
WHY HAVE SO MANY THING GONE IN MY BUTT ON THIS TRIP
The last thing I need is a possessed urethra.
I'm about to do something based solely on the fact that a fortune cookie told me to. This may not end well.
Randomize
