Skinny jeans should not be made in size 14. Then, it's just a lie.
did all my christmas shopping this morning at 4am drunk. never went to sleep. i was walking home drunk last night when i passed a target and saw 3 kids having a dance off. had to join. somehow they convinced me to go shoopping with them. i bought 4 disco balls and a lava lamp.
just saw an anti-abortion rally outside of the courthouse...so naturally i tossed them out a coat hanger i found in my car
My mom asked me if I was being satisfied, sexually. And then discussed positioning.
I finally got her to squirt but it wasnt a stream, it came out in the form of mist. I felt like I was in rainforest cafe.
Tell your boyfriend I'm sorry for ruining his vein. I'm never drawing blood drunk again.
We role played last night. I was Brandon Inge and she was some slut from Toledo. Let's just say Triple A might not be so disappointing after all.
How many trips to the liquor store in a week constitutes alcoholism?
I slept with someone only because he got my Simon Birch impression. It was a new low.
Stoned in some guys basement listening to ELO. it's like its 1978.
Black out Jordan is making huge strides. I didn't even pee on anyone or anything last night.
A person can only vomit Fireball so much before they quit it forever
He poured champagne on my pussy while he ate me out. I found my unicorn.
I am so horny. It's like all the stress of finals week has relocated to my vagina.
i think i left you like a 5 minute message about the mcchicken burger i was eating. I think I called wanting sex but the mcchicken burger was a lot more seducing.
Randomize
