my boyfriend just named your boyfriend's penis.
A few issues tonight. 1) Drunk since 1pm. 2) At the bar at 4pm. 3) James brought his sister, who has enormous breasts, isnt shy about cleavage, obviously slutty, and makes me want to do things that would even have Atheists sending me to hell. However, she's wearing glitter, so all Im thinking about is Edward Cullen. Go ahead and rip up my Man Card.
yeah seriously, fuck school. I'm changing my master's thesis question from "what are the neuropsychological correlates of antisocial personality" to "will my cat drink this beer"
I just made a friends list on fb of all the guys ive hooked up with. genius.
Idk, it's Grover wearing a sombrero. Do I need a reason?
i am way too old to be getting fingered at work
Teflon bitches. Nothing fucking sticks to this kid, not even a kid. Maury Povitched this shit outta that situation.
He's worked out some sort of arangment where all three of them are dating each other and they've all moved into an apt. with two king beds pushed together
A true beacon of hope in these dark times
I'm not sure drinking my way through west nile virus is the best idea. Oh well, already committed to that plan.
Need you on the dancefloor. Hungry and lonely.
I'm sorry I came to your house drunk and fed pizza to your dog.
I need five more minutes of sobbing.. AND THEN I will get back to studying
never stay at a party until 5am. even if it's because of daylight savings. we ended up having to watch porn with the host's dad...
I don't trust his life but I trust his penis.
u ever get horny for food. i ordered a bunch of crepes and its doin it 4 me
Randomize
