yeah for some reason your penis didn't fit in my mouth the other day
i wanted to go smoke pot, so i told my mom i was getting tutored. she asked what time i would be back, i told her learning doesn't have a curfew
I just got hit by a car. I'm fine; I'll be to the bars in about 15
i just got cum up my nose. i would have expected more from the captain of the men's lacrosse team
You tried to poop in the sink last night.
there's just a random girl here singing about how much she loves fiber
I have no idea what's going on.... I just want to wear my horse sweatshirt and drink vodka.
Just heard the words 'Pussy Riot' on NPR...I almost crashed my car.
Me too it's so nice. Debated studying out there but woulda been 90% babe-watching 5% flexing 3% studying and 2% talkin my boners down.
Sorry I can't go bowling with you guys. I'm getting daytime dick. That's the best kind.
WEED IS MY SPIRIT ANIMAL
That one probably shouldn't have been in caps
He said "send me a motivational picture" so I sent one with mayo on my face that said "clearly I'm no stranger to white stuff on my face"...I'm the fuckingng worst
wtf guys I thought we agreed on no more knives. So much for not destroying the house
I can tell that I'm high when listening to celine dion becomes such a life changing experience
I came home and drank a bottle of wine in the bathtub. I have AMAZING coping skills!!
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