how the fuck am i supposed to make breakfast with spaghettios and mustard
i'm the matthew mcconaghey of this party. i'm too old, and too high.
I puked in the cab and in my hair and he didnt even know
I did that thing again where I get way too drunk and go gay. Then wake up in the morning and freak out at the person. Yet another bar I cannot go back to
Tuesday night just isn't my ideal coke binge night.
He tried to stick it in and I asked him what he wanted to name our child and he quit.
Climbing through a window thats four feet off the ground isnt the easiest thing when youre high, trust me.
Sex on roller skates
Floating mattress
Tie
Serious questions. Who is that girl? Why is she wearing a tiara? And why does she keep asking about penis piercings?
I think it was clear she was setting us up when she brought me over to you and said "Present!"
Do you think I'm short enough to dress up in a ghost costume and go trick or treating and have people believe that I'm actually a child?
My snow day: told Cam, "we're not dating today, we're just roommates." No bra, boxers, drinking whiskey by myself for the past 2 hours, yelling at The Ultimate Fighter reruns from 3 years ago.
I don't know man. She said my cock made her promises my heart couldn't fulfill.
Last night was great... In the "I got videotaped making out and getting a handjob on the couch in front of 100 people." kinda way.
Bowls and Harry Potter this morning. I guess work isn't so bad after all
Randomize
