"You squeeze, we tiip biiiiiig" JB
I love having a boyfriend. I just ate pancakes with regular syrup and chocolate syrup, I havent shaved my legs in a week, and Im still going to get laid tonight.
fuck. you.
I wish his dick was as long as his hair.
There is no way I'm taking advice from somone who's idea of a balanced diet consists of vodka and lemon detox juice
It's official. The summoning powers of my vagina are unmatched by anything in this world.
You destroyed the landscape if my vagina FOREVER.
Don't mind the bowl full of ashes in the sink. I meant to set that on fire.
The "don't have sex with him again" alerts you set on my phone just started going off.
Good. "Seriously, don't do it" should start in about five minutes.
GOOD MORNING. Have you seen the Avenger vibrators?
Only real friends lend their restraints to engagedfriends to fool around with married strangers.
pesky things like morals, self-preservation and cowardice are not needed. overkill is nothing but a word. there will be blood.
Do u have any idea how hard it is to masturbate in a CVS bathroom when your name is being called over the speakers to pick up a prescription for painkillers?
I officially have worse injuries from a baby shower than roller derby.
I just had sex a few hours ago now i'm eating frozen yogurt making sex plans for tonight while catching Pokémon. What a time to be alive.
My "birthday sex" consisted of approximately 25 seconds of him going down on me in the shower.
Randomize
