Turns out "bordello" doesn't mean what I thought it did.
I bet the first cavemant to make fire got so much pussy
the party we crashed was not a party. the party we crashed was jens grandads funeral.
i just woke up at 8pm naked in my bed, with a fresh haircut. I wonder what barber i went to.
We're friends. And when I drunkenly send u a pic of my left testicle i would appreciate a response.
So he told me he wanted to fertilize my caviar. Im avoiding all foreign exchange students from now on.
Next guy we share better have a little more dignity than that
did you by any chance leave me that 7 minute long voicemail of you running and constantly tripping into bushes?
I have to keep checking she's breathing. This is why we don't drink on Sundays
I sang Jenna happy bday in the middle of throw up hurls
Rehydrating your liver back to life is never a good idea.
I like to think of you as more a magic eight ball of my life's journey?
I started rolling down the window so he pulled into a gas station and i puked all over the side of the car while some dude stared at me. I waved and we drove away
Let's hurry up so I can puke at home instead of my van
Dont worry, the Canadians are more afraid of you then you are of them.
Randomize
