hey no worries the mystery has been solved- i jst sneezed and my undies popped outta my nose.
Why are there so many empty soda cans in my room?
You put them in a circle around your bed and said it was the best way to ward of the witches from hocus pocus....then you remembered you needed salt too. I'm assuming you havent gone to the bathroom yet.
you had a panic attack, pissed yourself, and started crying. you never go above the kiddie level of my lil bros schools haunted house ever again.
round 2?
EVER.
I just found $40 in the jeans I wore last night. PS I also found the jeans I wore last night.
There's a hand-carved wooden bong in my backpack, and i really wish i could remember last night now.
I think the imperative here is that I literally knocked down a sorority house with the force of my dick.
Now one day I will be able to tell my children how a drag queen in a gay bar told mommy that bin laden was dead
How do I tell my child he was conceived on a barstool in South Alabama?
Trust me man, I did not put any cookies down your pants when you slept.
She judged ME for picking my nose when SHE has the clap.
Wanna show up on a guy's doorstep and punch him in the balls for me? At least this one isn't a cop.
11/10 would buy him a McLobster
the night literally screamed "cock and ball torture"
So this is how i'm celebrating Easter? By eating chicken nuggets and masturbating all day. What a life.
Why did I wake up next to the fire pit? And who wrapped me up like a burrito?
Jägerbombs. Thank Sara.
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