So this shipmate of mine somehow managed to throw up in his back pocket.
Come on. It's already happy hour in Europe...Man up. "I'm at work" and "it's a tuesday" are not valid excuses.
dude I'm not 100% but I think your mom is sexting me.
I'm dressed like a deranged cupcake. Let's get fucked up.
threw up outside of the dorms in the parking lot in the pouring rain on the first day of class, i'd say summer is off to a good start.
Well you were already wet from trying to drink straight from the faucet, so I just put you in the bathtub with a pillow and called it a night
but, alas, I am not the lady in the streets. I'm simply the freak in the sheets.
I can't hookup with a guy in my car because it smells like Taco Bell..
How dare you not respond to me after opening up a picture of my bare breasts
I'm intrigued by how his mouth tasted the same as his dick.
I'm pretty sure the cop knew you were drunk when you tried to light your cigg with a chapstick.
How did I get up here...did jesus lift me up
She told me I’m a “stunt cock.” I’m okay with that
She lured me back to her place with pizza and tits. I was totally helpless
My boob job is like a master key that gets me in any door, any party and anyone’s pants! They’re magical!
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