Dude, Her having kids just means she puts out.
you convinced me to pee myself because I was wearing dark jeans.
Woke up this morning with a note saying "great sex, see you never". Why can't I meet more women like her?
You told him you loved him!?
I mean if he translated "Zi luve ku" as that then yes.
I wish I could go back in time 3 years and tell my freshman self how easy it is to hook up with freshmen
Whatever dude, I don't feel bad about it. If my girlfriend finds out even SHE should give me a high five. That bitch was fine
Some might say its sad that I am willingly picking up a coke habit to be the skinniest bridesmaid... I think it shows my great dedication and proves I should have been maid of honor.
You were in your third change of clothes, and I found you in my driveway passed out with my dog's food bowl. You win.
Front seat of an Escalade in a limo-service parking lot. That is all.
Will it be a clothes optional week when I get there? I have an amazing outfit of tattoos and toenail polish planned.
high moment I think I just reached personal nirvana
It feels so wrong having a picture of my tits next to a picture of my daughter.
Pretty sure we're going to get a cease & desist notice from the Make A Wish Foundation, but until then...
Actually new year, new me. I haven’t had sex yet so technically I’ve been a virgin all year.
Wait. How did I get engaged last night?
Randomize
