i just went through and liked all 1,239 of her pictures instead of writing my english paper. don't tell her, i want her to be surprised
The most interesting things happen to you when your pants come down. I truly envy you.
i came home at 4 a.m. and made a dozen eggs and three lbs. of bacon. my mom woke up and the only thing she was pissed about was that i used the whole carton of eggs, but then she sat down and ate with me
Its like I instantly had a mental image of me in my mugshot.
He said that he didn't know what level the sun was on, and then he puked.
He played the same pre-sex songs as his brother...
THESE BITCHES NOT IN MY MAJOR BETTER NOT FILL UP MY SLAVIC FAIRYTALES CLASS
The bartender seems to not like the DD's anymore. I'm sad
Yea I almost drowned giving a BJ in the shower once
Apparently I pulled that girl's number while I was trying to insist my drivers license had enough money on it to cover the tab.
I spent most of my night in the men's room eating popcorn on the garbage can conversing with strangers pissing
Who's the captain of your team? Captain Morgan as usual?
And me
I already tell everyone in my office my bf is at the Naval academy. It slipped one time and I can't go back on it now
cmon you know I'm perfectly capable of something that ridiculous 100% sober
FUCK YOU IM DRINKING WINE FROM A BOX
You okay there or need a ride? Maybe a straw for your box
Maybe a straw...
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