Theres a random in my bed. Omg but at least he's a law student?
I'm drunk. And at a vegan cafe. You would hate it. Don't tell my hipster friend but I kinda hate it too.
I am currently eating pure cake frosting...I am not sure how I was ever referred to as a responsible adult.
i can't, i'm blowing bubbles in class and getting credit for it
he drunkenly pissed himself on the deck, in the bathroom, and on my couch within the span of an hour
its like an avodart commercial...maybe he has a growing problem
I love drunk self when he leaves a prepacked bong for the morning... in the bathroom.
he walked out as i was licking snow off of his car...
Of course... Double fistin nati light cuz the powers out and it cuts down the times i gotta open the fridge... Genius
This is breast cancer awareness month... The least we can do is give a stripper some singles.
Idk tell her to wear something sluttty. I have that one skirt I got arrested in if she wants to borrow?
Be here at 9 and look fabulous. We have drag queens to impress.
The only thing I'm asking santa for is my period.
And vodka?
And vodka.
my memory may be fuzzy, but the 20+ naked pictures I sent him were surprising clear
Anyway, all that to say that tiny penises are a hassle.
This is the difference between me and him; he buys you flowers, I buy you a dildo
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