oh wait, my morality sensor is a little fucked up since I almost let my little sister's friend blow me.
tell your sister to shave her snatch
Topless wife handwashing shirt. Tonight marriage is good.
Just passed a Taco Bell Taco Supreme, still in its wrapper, laying in the grass. I'd like a moment of silence.
May it rest in peace.
Dude idk, apparently telling two drunk chicks 'that's whats up' after watching them lick eachother's face wasn't the compliment they were looking for. I mean I was fucking hammered.
Wow.
Watching that soccer game was like getting kicked in the crotch for an hour and half and then coming right at the end.
Man, I must say, having known you since preschool, Eiffel-Tower-ing her would've fully completed our journey to brotherhood.
found out that hot proper business chick in my class A) did a bar crawl last 2 night and still showed up to class and B) is 19 and C) so not as proper as I thought D) is single. How the fuck does that work? Freaking superwoman.
IDK DUDE BUT HE TIED IT WITH A SHOELACE SO I GOTTA FREE SHOELACE OUTTA THE DEAL. THIS GIVES A NEW MEANING TO LACED DRUGS
I watched Morgan Freeman explain the existence of nothing, now I'm afraid of sub - atomic particles. these egg rolls are outstanding
He's like a father figure to me, except we have casual drunk sex every now and then
I feel like there's def a learning curve to the sex swing
He struggled for a second trying to unhook my bra and I said "4/10. Novice."
He's on the porch naked. Help.
We just had a contest for who has less of a gag reflex...I am sad to admit that my mother won.
Randomize
