im never drinking mad dog again and i have your belt.
you think it's bad that I have four different guys toothbrushes in my bathroom?
i felt obligated to tell him happy birthday since we trashed his house and i fucked his friend in his basement
When the doctor said the anal leakage might not be reversible without some lifestyle changes you start asking if it's worth the entertainment value.
I woke up covered in his pee. And then he poked me on Facebook.
He passed out with the ball in his hand so no one could play beer pong without him.
wait no I wore my bra home that morning. I stole someone's bra last night?
I just did something so unspeakable in the panera bathroom that their health score dropped 10 points.
You cant come. You're a Colorado native who drinks Bud over Coors. Fucking homegrown terrorist.
She waited 7 months to break out her comicon costumes. I was only mad it took her so long. I fucked an elf last night and strawberry shortcake the night before!
I was super naked---except I kept my shoes on, because I'm a lady, and I was bent over a bar.
I found you laying in a field of grass near the trail I jog on in the morning like a drunken Bambi.
The only people allowed to make me cry are myself and Chris Hemsworth as Thor. And me.
Woah don't start going all boyfriend on me now, you're here for one thing and one thing only and that's sex, hot shameless sex.
Btw, how did you break into my room, and why did you decide that covering the mushrooms with a blanket was more secure than a lock on my door?
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