im insabelyl wasted and diont know if ill yexyed tou. call me
i put his shirt in a ziplock bag to preserve his smell
please tell me you are kidding me
They thought "watering it down" meant adding more vodka
No, I'm in the bathroom trying to scrub off the 16 tally marks on my wrist so its not so obviously to the world that I puked on a couch last night.
Uhg.. This isn't fair. I just want to have sex with you until i lose consciousness, wake up and start over... is that so much to ask?
Dude. The girls called me over to see what they had in their dorm. They snuck in a pigeon in a cardboard box. They named it Quincey. They swear they're sober.
We just reached that moment of the night when you start making cookie quesadillas. Party on Wayne
Would be in best interest to sanitize the DVDs
You leaned over so she could squirt ketchup in your hair and then started chanting "KETCHUP NIGHT!! KETCHUP NIGHT!!!"
Looking back on this weekend, I'm most grateful I never brought up with word "toe-fucking" at the bachelorette party.
If I win the lottery I'm going to hire someone to skywrite "FUCKTARD" over his house. That much anger.
Jk probs not coming. Tequila
It's just a friend who is recently single and I'm going to heal his broken heart with my vagina
I dont know if hes kidding... but hes drunk and said hes going to shave his balls. Alert your emt friends
I ate at the cafeteria for the first time yesterday and today I think I had an hour long fart.
Randomize
