No it wasn't her, this girl had both hands.
We just had the worst moment of our late twenties.... We just realized we are too old for the real world
Puking in one of the stalls, a guy ran in and started puking in the other stall... In between heaves we told each other our names; i found out that it was my old best friend that moved away in the 8th grade
if theres anything i pride myself on, its my ability to look homeless.
you wore rainboots all night because you said the forecast called for wine spillage
So fucked up. Can't tell if I'm starving or about to puke. Playing it safe and eating froot loops. Tasty in, colorful out.
Puked up what appears to be battery acid next to the treadmill. Everyone noticed.
So awkward... The newspaper lady just caught me sitting stoned in my driveway at 5 am and asked if I was okay. I'm way better than ok right now
Hi future me, I saved you a big mac under the bed.
Happy Birthday. May your liver respect you, fat bitches neglect you, hangovers reject you, and AA accept you.
Have you seen our bachelor? He's MIA. Last seen being led to some hookers by Kanye look-a-like.
I just dried my bra with your hair straightener because the drier is broken again.
And the last thing I remember was you in the bed with the german guy screaming "wrong hole" I laughed n passed out
Remember how I made that resolution to remain celibate for 6 months? Well, I just broke that
You literally made that 4 hours ago...
I’ve seen not one, but three Facebook articles on my feed today about “how to eat ass”. Idk what the universe is trying to tell me but it’s needs to chill
Randomize
