Apparently i was the first person to introduce her to her clitoris. Needless to say...they hit it off great
She might as well just lie down with one of those red "Easy Buttons" next to her
When I got to his place, he served wine and cheese and made me sit on the balcony while he read his poetry to me. He cockblocked himself.
she has tattoo'd to her hips "grip here" this is why they made spring break
while being fingered today, I was told I have an abnormally deep g-spot. Now you know, I am a size queen because of SCIENCE.
If you know any fat girls who would pay me for sex, I am low on money and morals right now
i'm sorry, but my penis isnt the solution to your problems
he locked me out then poked me with a fork when i tried to get in through the window
And then out of the blue she sent me a youtube video mashup of cats puking to techno music
I'm just chillin on the bathroom floor
Haha oh no
The bathroom floor is like my second bedroom on the weekends
FACE TIME HER WHILE YOU GUYS BANG
I just chased my hot mailman down the street to ask him out and now I am 98% positive he gave me a fake number.
My roommate randomally bought me two bags of pretzels. Worst "Sorry you can hear me fucking my boyfriend everynight" gift ever.
I wrote him a note at the end of the final. I'm hoping I can flirt my way in to an A or B
Something is wrong here. The birds are chirping and I'm not fucking you, I'm not getting head and I don't smell bacon. Why am I up this early then?
Randomize
