He gets you donuts, dinner, and booze consistently, who cares if he's cheating
Escorted a stripper to her car last night,and all I got was a "Thanks" and "Go Steelers."
he told me my vagina was like a beautiful piece of salami
i didnt think "maybe you should take over" was a good thing to say when i couldnt get it up
Homeboy was juggling while taking bong rips. Of course he got laid.
She said we could only have sex if she got to keep her fake moustache on during
My Saturday dick is so much more impressive than my Tuesday dick.
Come to wine Wednesday bro. We have a fog machine
We were debating whether you had hooked up with him. I was right for the record.
The only thing that got me through this hellish day was imagining a large Swedish penis inside of me.
What did your vagina DO during the nhl lockout?!
Americans.
apparently when a guy says "if there's anything missing in your life, I will provide" he's not expecting attractive lesbians to be the answer.
Normally, it will inspire me to work. Today, it's inspiring me to masturbate.
I bought more beer than I could carry and managed to fit it all in the fridge. It's an alcoholicmas miracle.
Turns out, it's impolite to repeatedly request Seal "Kiss From a Rose" at bars
The bar brought brought it upon themselves, they played billy joels piano man before closing, it's not our fault the bar isn't a bar anymore, right?
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