I'm sorry that you don't think that "Daddy Issues" are a real thing, but I can tell you that some assholes who never went to their daughter's dance recitals are responsible for getting me laid...continuously.
What are you doing?
High. Watching Billy Mays infomercials...
That guy could sell me cancer.
I just heard a mom tell her toddler son "shut the fuck up. Don't ask me to buy you shit when i'm taking u to go see some fucking animals" welcome to the bronx.
You were in the corner dancing by yourself yelling "I look good", when really you looked ridiculous and drunk
so i told him i have my period and he put his head by my vagina and said "I HATE YOU!"
I should just wear a shirt that says "Im Sorry" on the front because the second we land in Vegas, I'm going to be a fuckin trainwreck.
the taxi driver actually pulled over to let us moon a house full of people
omg. i wish i could describe to you the number of things that were just in my vagina. i feel like i got gangbanged by construction workers.
Phone sex soon? I mean date. Sex date. Date phone.
all 3? possibly?
I think I'm up to the challenge.
Everybody shut up a minute, we need to discuss how much nicer the world would be if pants weren't a thing.
I was riding him and in the middle he literally said "fuck yeah, Amy Winehouse"
I got to her place and she was petting her cat and pounding vodka out of the bottle. She looked like Dr evil in yoga pants. She's nuttier than squirrell shit.
We had sex on a dog bed..
He stopped mid sex to say he was sorry that he couldn't make us work.continued. Stopped again to ask if it was crazy that he loved me.
That is not what no strings attached sex is about.
You almost lost your european virginity to a Peruvian man waering a do-rag in a port-a-potty.
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