I wanna get "leaving my dick in charge" drunk.
Fucking plugged the shower with taquitos I just threw up.
I like to think I'd be good at dodging genitalia.
You fucked a stripper on your sisters friends blow up mattress. The least you could do is wash the sheets.
Sometimes I just want to serenade his penis with cheesy 80s songs.
When she tells her friend, "hey I'll be back tomorrow, just going to fuck a guy", right in front of you, you know you've got a winner.
It's entirely possible that I'm fucking yet another gay guy
I found more straws in my beard this morning. Please stop doing that.
I just squirted in your honor. It's like pouring one out for the beautiful sex partnership that could have been
PS: bike ride of shame at 7am includes riding by kids waiting for the school bus #classy
Found an elderly homeless guy with a Gandalf beard passed out on my porch. I put a Santa hat over his erect dick cause he was naked.
I puked on her cat, I think I should at least buy her breakfast
I just wish he would stop trying to bring his emotional baggage into our sexual relationship.
you've already made the comitment to pee in public you should at least whip your dick out
She needs to move out. Her mom interferes with my penis being touched
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