i feel like i'm waiting in line to date brett michaels
so... how was it???
he had bart simpson sheets. he had itunes on shuffle and "don't worry be happy" started playing when he took his boxers off. sad to say i was neither worried nor happy
No matter how drunk I am, I will take the time to wipe a pube off the toilet seat.
so now that im really awake i see that my underwear are completely ripped down the side, my shorts are on backwards, i have to go get plan b....i call last night an epic fail or success depending on how catholic i am feeling
The dutch village is so much worse hungover. Fuck them and their wooden shoes.
This is my last and worst hangover of the decade...I almost cherrish it
Remind me to tell you the one about the cashier that wouldn't sell me Jim Beam and NyQuil.
We shaved off his eyebrows I'm pretty sure his fiance will be thrilled at the wedding
Post-sex nachos deserve a song.
It's fine. I wouldn't trust either of them to be my workplace drug buddy.
Apparently you can unlock an iPad by doing a line on the lock screen I'm about to bust that myth
You kept whispering to me that the guy making your burrito was an angel.
I worked all year for this tax return. I deserve to get my nipples pierced.
I think I had sex with a seagull last night. The window is open and there a feathers everywhere.
Puking out the window is really hard when you're the one driving.
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