Having a random hookup so left but love u
I bet he comes in French.
I just farted. And everybody around me is looking at the fat girl to my left. I win.
gettin drunk isnt as much fun when i can use my own id for it
You made a "martini" bagel. Took a bagel dunked it in vodka and put olives in it
do you actually have a paper bowl full of broken glass and ecstasy or was that just a dream?
I'd say I should re evaluate my life choices, but I'd make the same decisions only faster and wearing a push up bra.
She looks like if Peter Griffin was a lesbian.
Run away.
how did we start talking about space blow jobs?
I'm smoking a bowl and pondering why we haven't discovered teleportation again.
Oh thank Jesus fuck for my shitty infertile womb. Crisis averted
I woke up at 4 am. Literally pissed. No idea what happened. I could have fucked a cow.
You know, I think I'm going to rock the shit out of this whole mid-twenties thing. Fuck babies and weddings -- I have vodka and young cock.
Yeah come over whenever. Weed gets here at 8.
I'll be there at 7:59.
she said. She was going to, and I quote, "put her vagina inside my dick".
Randomize
