I would fuck her until my dick fell off. then i would fuck her with your dick.
that's the last time we turn jepordy into a drinking game.
i'm out of college. that means no more sex on a twin bed. ever. i don't care how big his dick was. i'm classy like that.
I could see myself reflected in his wedding band as i was going down on him.
i dont know what was worse.. snorting the wasabi or puking on the neighbors dog
Is it too early to say this year has been a blur?
Well. It was around 3 or 4 in the morning. He ran into the woods. Wearing moccasins. Holding an extension cord. He was trying to catch a deer. That about sums up the awesomeness of the night.
He was running late for work this morning, so I helped him out by finding a matching pair of black socks. And I hated it. So I'm currently drinking and reminding myself of the reasons I will never get married.
Nope my penis exudes pure oxygen in times of crisis.
I made one of my coworkers cheers to me not being pregnant. I've never talked to him before tonight. Keeping it classy.
Friend as in 'I used to have sex with her' or friend as in 'I still want to have sex with her'?
Blowing lines in the bathroom and trying to get into the mindset of someone who wants to be at work for 12 hours
My girlfriend is so strong now. Like on the one hand its kind of hot because she can pin me down during sex, but on the other hand she picked me up and carried me bridal style at the company bbq.
Do not, I repeat, DO NOT uncuff him no matter how much he begs. He knows what he did.
There is this guy in here. He didn't even get ice cream he just filled up his cup with mini marshmellows, chocolate syrup, about a lb of grahm cracker crumbs and walked around to everyone in the shop saying "hey, hey look here, I just made fucking s'mores." He was SO proud of himself.
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