i cleaned out my closet and found 7 beers from 2007. ive had 3 so far.
I puked for half an hour, but I went and danced afterwards, and that made me feel better.
You are so irish.
drunk doesnt even begin to explain it. he said he was going to get playing cards from the lobby and came back 20 minutes later with a full set of sheets.
If I had pants on, you wouldn't be getting this text message
So, just in case you go to the bathroom in the middle of the night.. Sam is asleep in the first stall.
What I do when I'm blackout drunk is none of my business.
tried to chug a glass full of ice cubes. went better then expected.
Ummm, my mojito just spilled on 2 essays as I'm grading. Who says high schoolers have all the fun?
Yes sir I did. I'll be there with a guest. And no, my date won't be an escort.
Well if that changes tell the escort to bring cocaine.
I wish you could see all the crumbs in my bra....it looks like Hansel & Gretel got lost in my cleavage.
I feel like you can't break up with someone on 420. It's against stoner code
Based on his face I'm positive he has a beautiful penis.
I just wiped cum off my face with baby wipes... #momlife
I mean go ahead and let your freak flag fly but if you could not fly it in my bed that would be great
They have one of those claw machines here... with a dildo in it...
Randomize
