Sometimes I wonder if my friend studies mystic Christian theology because he's afraid to come out of the closet. Evidently, it's okay to talk about God coming inside you, but not to say the same about dudes.
everyone knows that carl winslow was the sexiest man in die hard.
We videoed ourselves having sex... I now know why I close my eyes during sex
i grabbed his hand and told him i loved him and then he looked down and said "i love...mallomars" and shoved like three in his mouth. never been so embarrassed.
Everything is fine now . The coast guard said we just can't take the inflatable trampling out past the break way anymore
We're watching a video in class about cheese. The scoring for it sounds like that of a Lifetime movie. My mind is creative. I've continued my own story in my head of a wheel of cheese that was raped and murdered. It's so sad. I hope they get the guy. Btw, the video is about marketing.
Ginormous penis in the breeze, cumming champagne showers into your eye
You were captain morganning on the laundry hamper and when I walked in you slingshotted a thong at me and started peeing. This all came back to me when I picked up some jeans to wear and they smelled like piss.
Our group of friends now have more broken bones than reasonable excuses for why they're broken.
I've been here 11 months and i just realized i have literally never looked at my apartment/roomates sober
Do you want to go soon I'm overthinking life and my butthole again
I don't know when he had the time to do it but he dug a hole in our basement like the shawshank redemption
Every text my dad sends me is an AA mantra. Might be time to take a look at my life.
I swear, I make more use of my creative writing major with sexting than I do with anything else
So I was at my annual OBGYN appointment and when she saw the bruises on the inside of my thigh she asked if I had been horse back riding...I think my burst of laughter then awkward silence answered the question for me.
Randomize
