Ok, let's play "if you were a slut" again and try and retrace our steps last night..
My last google search was 'bulk asian wives' I don't know either
Found my shoes and purse. They're all strapped together in my neighbor's tree. Need to borrow your ladder. Thanks in advance
I don't understand how she could dump me AFTER we had shower sex. I'm fucking great at shower sex
You know how girls with huge tits have back problems? Do you get knee problems or something?
That makes the second boyfriend of hers that I've fucked. I'm gonna start keeping an eye on every guy she even speaks to. Girl is my sexual rabbit's foot.
we are all four or five tequila-induced decisions away from shitting in a bucket, come get me please.
I'm sorry, when did "I like your shit" become an acceptable pickup line?
That's the 3rd time I've gone home with her and she passed out on me. I poured 6 boxes of cereal on her and left
I just slipped on ice and peed on my pea coat. There's a pun there but I'm too sad to make it
THEN YOU WILL NOT GET TO SEE MY TITS TONIGHT OR IN THE NEAR FUTURE YOU HEARTLESS BASTARD
i told you i was taking the Metra Train, and you asked what type of drug that was.. so yes i believe you when you say you were fucked up
You tried to run away last night. The neighbors brought you back.you were in their hot tub again. This needs to stop
The cop asked me why my pants were around my knees when he woke me from the sink, i replied "Officer, my underwear is still on, nothing bad happened" then he nodded in acknowledgement and we carried on with the paper work.
Sorry I missed your call earlier. I was getting high with my high school band teacher.
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