Remember ______, girl, blonde, one of my roommates the first year of ________?
Yeah we hooked up in the top bunk bed while simultaneously having a conversation with u, so yeah, I remember her
Drinking mikes hard & watching the swan princess. i fucking LOVE college
I threw up into my coffee this morning.
I want to apologize in advance in the event I put my boobs in your face
He turned down a handjob. A HANDJOB. I know I'm no Jessica Simpson, but...
Actually, she's fat now, so...
Fuck. I AM Jessica Simpson.
maybe you should do the old hyperventilate, take a shot of vodka, sniff someone's hair trick
I don't go on dates. I watch tv and play with dicks. dinner is a situation.
that's probably because you left your arm in the fishtank for 90% of the night
He's upstairs shouting 'FUCK OFF I'M IN MY MOTHERFUCKING ZEN ZONE' out of the window.
Is a 'Dr. Willy Fister Gynecologist' costume appropriate for work?
So Doritos and vodka was obviously not as good an idea as I thought at the time.
Realistically you can't tell me you're gonna put mashed potatoes on your dick and expect me not to get excited
ATTENTION PENIS' OF BURLINGTON: I AM COMING FOR YOU
Same encounter she body slammed me to the floor and than humped me
I'm worried about us. We are almost 30 and we still drink jaeger bombs till we black out. Wait, no I'm not. I'm excited about us.
Randomize
