He looks too sensitive, like he's going to write me a poem and cry after the first time we have sex.
Just got booed while taking a piss and asked if I 'call that a penis.' Get me the fuck out nf yankee stadium.
I'll be waiting for you under the stairs with peanut butter and tequila ... Don't tell the neighbors
Just found out you can rent the rollerena for 100 bucks and you can bring your own beer... when are you free this week?
He would only do it doggy style. The "he's probably gay" debate rages on...
oh my god. separately texting an Allie and an Ally while drunk is hard, and I'm climbed 1/2 way up a bridge pier.
She is high at the bar - she thinks the bottle of frangelico is aunt jemima telling her to stop doing drugs.
I just want to hug my vagina but I can't!\nLike, I want to wrap my arms around it and say "I'm sorry"
We may have picked the wrong resort. Brenna and I have already been propositioned for swinging twice and we've only been here 3 hours
So if I get kidnapped from my office and go missing for a few days does that count against my vacation days and do I still get paid?
Have you ever had to act sober and talk to an authority figure in a coconut bra? Because it is just as degrading as you would imagine.
I got propositioned to get involved with an engaged couple. I told them I didn't think my married couple would like me to see other couples...
We drunkenly built a couch fort and fucked in it. I've known her since preschool. This was every childhood fantasy mixed with adult dreams come true.
He took my Spanx off and still fucked me twice. I call that success.
Listen, all I’m saying is, if you’re lying naked next to a hot chick, you don’t start discussing dental hygiene.
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