Well you know what I always say about freshmen.... If you want it, and they've got it... get it.
A few issues tonight. 1) Drunk since 1pm. 2) At the bar at 4pm. 3) James brought his sister, who has enormous breasts, isnt shy about cleavage, obviously slutty, and makes me want to do things that would even have Atheists sending me to hell. However, she's wearing glitter, so all Im thinking about is Edward Cullen. Go ahead and rip up my Man Card.
He sent me a picture of myself smashed completely butt naked passed out on the couch and said "at least I'll have these memories"
God and karma are having a fucking field day with my body today.
I don't even care that his girlfriend will be there. Us hooking up is a tradition and she will NOT ruin it.
Bring fortys. we have the duct tape. its onnn mothafuckaaaa
His reasoning for leaving the keys in the ignition of my car overnight with the top down in an open parking lot ? Too eager to have sex. The sex was not that good for him to do this twice....
It all went downhill when I figured out I could launch myself into people with my crutches
Basically I will actually need a reindeer pulled sleigh to make it to all the penises in one night.
If Plan B had a rewards card I would have earned so many free tote bags by now
The sex may be the only reason I like him. I've confused the multiple orgasms for feelings.
It doesn't count as "finding the lesbian" if you fuck a straight girl!
how much of this shit do i need to take before i think its a good idea to set the house on fire and scream satanic mantras?
Taking out my recycling and 90% of it is alcohol and cat food. I am judging myself.
Fun fact: I came home from the riverboat without my panties. And woke up with a different pair on.
Randomize
