I couldn't deal, she's a vegetarian. Every woman should like a little meat in their mouths.
After he finished I threw up my arms and shouted STEVE HOLT!
My New Years Resolution was to get a girl I dont know pregnant. 8 months later I can check that off the list..
Zach says you can't see his penis until after we're married...not sure why?! Bt then he said he thinks maybe you already have on the wild animal night!
I'm on a mission to free the leash kids. Like liberating the Israelites from Egypt. Only better.
I swear if it wasn't for meeting for drug dealers @ gas stations, i would never remember to get gas.
STOP CALLING ME LADY CHLAMYDIA
I've been alternating between telling people I was mauled by a bear or hit by a car to explain the massive unexplainable bruise on my leg. Slightly more worried now that the car idea is believable.
Its the least I can do really, I mean, I did sleep with her husband...
Donald Trump and I would be so adorably orange together!
I just told my mother my "if there are drugs I'm only taking them if I don't have to pay" rule and witnessed her perception of my shatter and crumble behind her eyes.
its weird getting into a political debate with a pony dressed as an anime character online
and then you proceeded to throw soup at him for calling you a bitch...a CAN of soup...
you missed a good time last night.
you texted me at 10 telling me to come fuck you, that says enough.
she was all excited about us being eskimo sisters and then i was just like "alyssa i've literally been inside of you" and she got even more excited
Randomize
