Im partying with a unicorn. You don't even know.
omg i forgot michael madsen was in free willy this is the most epic movement of my stoned life
Just because your phone has a case on it doesn't mean it will survive a 5 story drop out the window.
made out with three guys on the first night of college orientation, just imagine what joys all of next year will hold
there are too many children here to make this hangover-friendly
He let me keep his flannel as a "good job" for the great head I gave him.
She once gave me sex advice over the phone while intoxicated. So no you don't have the cooler therapist.
Most people would probably take his lack of responses as a queue to stop. But nope, not me. I just keep going. And that's why I don't have a bf, just a little weinered friend
I have no idea. He was just running around wearing a horse mask yelling "bumfuck" repeatedly. We figured we'd just let him get it out of his system.
I woke up without my clothes on covered up with a towel on the floor because for some reason I took a bath in my clothes at 2am.
Is posting a pic on insta of my previously dyed blue pubes socially acceptable?
I called him a "Beautiful Bastard" with "Beautiful Bastard Hair". That is how you pick up a guy from Denmark.
CUM CAME OUT OF MY NOSE. MY SINUSES ARE ENTIRELY FUCKED UP NOW BC OF THE CUM TRAVELING IN PLACES IT SHOULD NOT HAVE.
Vodka, rum, moonshine, I don't care, just bring like 5gallons.
Apparently 'ewww' is not the correct response to him saying he has to go to a funeral while I'm there.
Randomize
