You act like I was drinking alone...I had the entire Verizon network with me
I'm way too drunk on a Sunday to handle this level of Jesus.
i don't care what you say, the winery is open and 10am is NOT too early to go barrel tasting
i just put all of my beerlympics medals into my academic awards box. i would say they are my greatest achievement since college.
Im covered in vodka and melted gummys. Fuck summer.
Post-sex nachos deserve a song.
You definitely in your drunken state were really concerned you would forget to buy milk today
Hold on. At Sephora trying to decide what despair smells like.
She's cute. And her snoring noises remind me of the incidental music from Jaws.
You were all "think outside the box, inside the bag!" as you filled your camelback with beer.
i sent my dealer a picture of the money i would pay him. i also told him i would pay him in cheez-its if he would prefer that.
My mom just walked in on me naked taking a shit and packing a bowl...the only comment she makes is, she wants her Tupperware back after my pot's out of it. Best mom ever.
Ps. I'm slapping the bag. It's an emergency.
I think my liver has finally had enough and is going all Ashley-Judd-in-a-Lifetime-movie on me.
The best thing about last night is when drunk Lauren asked cop if she could smoke a joint in front of him. And next thing I remember she’s smoking weed with a cop. How awesome is that.
Randomize
