Your girlfriend is a south jersey whore
the only thing i have to deal with now is the fact that i'm still wearing spandex shorts from last night
He keeps apologizing for not being able to get hard when he's drunk. We havent even left the club yet.
As far as classy things to do in front of your ex go, throwing up on your own shirt is not one of them.
i got last night's adventure to take the garbage out when he was leaving. my vagina is THAT good.
oh well at that point I was already depressed with life because I had watched the bratz movie.
some random kid just walked into our apartment with two cases... I don't know who he is but I like him
Whatever. He's going to tie me up tonight whether he wants to or not.
I am not sure which is more amazing; The fact that she offered me sex, beer AND nachos, or that she can properly use a semi-colon at her current blood alcohol level.
And I might get them triple pierced after that
Damn, I didn't realize you'd declared war on airport metal detectors
I'm taking a leave of absence and sending myself to fat camp. I'll let you know when I'm out.
After what I experienced at 6am this morning, all I can say is chew your noodles thoroughly.
someone needs to name a hurricane after you
I've never wanted anyone to have herpes as I much as I want him to right now.
He walked upstairs in nothing but his boxers and drunkenly asked my brother for a condom....so much for a good first impression.
Randomize
