We are so in love
so when's the next time you get to see your balls
I saw a girl walking around campus with bandages on both her knees. I need to get her number.
Shit, I may have left some acid in your bathroom last night. Has he been in there lately.
I caught them hiding behind a car trying to have sex.
He's a cat fanatic .. That was not in the fine print when we started fucking
It's amazing I mean I blew that senator just for him to deny me marriage.... Politics suck and he swallowed!
this speak and spell drinking game will be the death of us all.
do you know how hard it is to bring up the "what do I do if you conk out while we're fucking" conversation while maintaining the dignity of.the narcaleptic girl you just met?
I decided to start over my porn collection by deleting the old stuff. That was a sad piece of a pie chart...
Some girl dressed in nothing but Wonder Woman underwear and a cape on her ass just started twerking all over us. Remind me why I'd never been to a midnight of Rocky horror before?
I tried to light my cup as a bong. I'm done drinking
I'm trying to blow this guy down here can you please get my husband out of the house.
I realize ur driving andwont read this til u stop, but I'm sleeping in the bed of the pickup. Please don't hit a deer.
Tequila should only be paired with the finest of dick
Because of you I can never eat chicken nuggets without thinking of you fucking him. I hope youre happy. I really do.
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