Every morning i wake up and check his twitter like a horoscope
and this is why i am such an inspirational person, i am the Joel Osteen of alcoholics.
you scanned your fake to get into the dorm last night and when the lady told you it was the wrong card you looked at her and said this is who i am thursday night
we found him in the shower with a bottle of jose saying "this is Mexico's fault"
And then he used the flashlight app to illuminate me giving him head. Thanks IPhone
it took me 20 minutes to get her upstairs... she crawled under a car and wouldn't come out.
I only see on penis in this picture but I assume there is another lurking out of sight.
THINK! exactly how many raw eggs did you color and hide in my apt.
You're just gonna have to make the sacrifice man.
I'm trying to hide in the table.
I know you're asleep, but I just had a motherfucking epiphany.
He can't just hit it and quit it and then eat your pop tarts on his way out.
oh. oh my god. i just had lunch with my mom with semen still on my face.
while giving me head, she stopped, looked up at me smiling and said "ill never be able to look at bananas the same way again" and then went back to work.
I wish I just waited long enough to hate someone to fuck one
It's a weird kind of sexy when a guy has a bunkbed with his roommate
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