you were convinced that if all her tampons were gone her period would stop, so you started eating them.
This chick just checked into her walk of shame on Foursquare... I think I'm in love.
Did you ask last night's taxi driver about his penis hygiene?
Fuck. These are the symptoms I had when I was pregnant. This could be bad.
I literally just wiped coffee off of the corner of my mouth with my boob because my hands were full. Thought youd be proud. Good morning!
i'm teaching a bunch of people how to grow weed over snapchat. no shame.
The other day I was really high and I felt like my words were coming out of my mouth in flowers...I don't know.
i knew it was love when she pulled a beer out from between her boobs and offered it to me
Dislocated my knee during sex, popped it back in and kept going. Then got simpathy chipotle out of it too.
My goal is to be drunk before we even get out of the No Wake Zone.
Also I think I realized when my life started to turn into shambles.. The day I took my high school senior picture WITH A HICKEY ON MY NECK
Guess who has two thumbs and broke her boyfriends dick?
last night i fell off a barstool and busted my nose. i can regretfully say that i didn't see cherub last night.
He's ready to settle down, whereas I'm like "More shots please"
Is using La Croix as a mixer for vodka a legit way to reach my daily water consumption?
Randomize
