This random guy asked me if I had downs. I was like up yours! And I got out of his car.
can we get nightvision for the apartment?
dude, my face is all kinds of fucked up right now. and don't even start with i told you so...
We pinky-swore to never fuck each other again.
I never thought that taking apart multiple age 5 and under puzzles would be part of my house party clean up process.
Yeah, sorry about that. I just couldn't stop.
ok... i just had to be reminded that people in animal costumes were feeding me shots at the bar.
I found a fried uncrustable on the table from last night.
We told our cab driver we'd give him 3 grand if he pit maneuvered you guys in your cab.
She made me take my shoes off outside her room but she didn't make me wear a condom. I am confused.
He unbuckled his belt, tipped his hat at me, then told me to "saddle up"
this is like your 5th cowboy right? where do you keep finding these guys?!!
want to know what my life has come to? I just took a 45 min shower banging on the walls and making loud sex noises so my neighbors think I get some.
Sometimes I actually rage on Tuesday, come back, and do homework drunk and pull an all nighter.
Oh we were great hosts that night. We made sure to leave all the beds open by passing out on the bathroom floors instead.
She said she didn't feel right fucking on her parents dining room table I grabbed the only thing around bubblewrap she blew me for creativity
I found a new button on my vibrator, tonight was a success
Randomize
