How's tricks little girl?
Trix are for kids, old man.
just a forewarning-if you come home and hang out with your stupid girlfriend the entire time that you are here/fail to get wasted with us i will wish either death upon you or that you truly do turn gay when you return to the navy.
I walked downstairs and there were 50 sorority girls. I wasn't expecting an audience during my walk of shame.
he asked me if i "normally slept like that" because i was curled up in a ball facing the wall. then he told me that i woke up in the middle of the night and said "oh my god. i forgot you were here." how did he not understand that i didn't want him in my bed.
You just kept rubbing her head and repeating "I really like your head, I want your head..." over and over for like 10 minutes straight... And she didnt even stop you.
I miss old school porno. There just isn't any love in porn these days.
I'm a 23 year old virgin. I've masturbated in ways you can't even imagine.
disregard all texts ive sent you minus taco motherfucking bell
Dude you were so high some kid was kicking the wall and you were convinced it was your heartbeat
Today, my boyfriend informed me that I look like my dad when I orgasm
Hey, what did you end up doing with those ski goggles?
Anything is possible. I didn't even know I was wearing the toilet cover as a hat
Realized we were outta oj used gerber graduates mixed fruit juice as a mixer. Mother of the Year award right here
Lexi was drunk enough at 2pm to say "fuck tom brady and fuck you too" to literally every person at the store in Pats attire.
Knowing that porn stars want to fall in love is the weirdest thing I've found to be beautiful recently. I'm so lonely.
Dude, I danced with Abe Lincoln! How could last night have been any better???
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