Hello, balls-out mistake. It's been a while.
A university police officer just hhigh fived me when i drunkenly stumbled into Aderhold. Fucking 5 o'clock somewhere.ITS IN CASABLANCA RIGHT NOW! TIME ZONES!
My face is bruised from laying on the concrete. NO MORE VODKA!
All I remember is yelling RUN as fireworks started going off in the kitchen. Who said that was a bad idea?
Hey do you have anything at your house 30 ft. tall to throw eggs off of?
He tried to cuddle with me after we hooked up and i just looked at him and said why are you still here?
Sorry there's no emoticon for I got my period all over a guy's bed so I had to improvise. There isn't even a bed one
I'm just so happy. I go to sleep and when I wake up there will be chocolate milk and penis.
He ordered three small pizzas while I was giving him head.
When I was drunk texting him about three ways he seemed more interested in just seeing me. And that's when I knew something was wrong with him
I can't have my last hookup before 21 have been behind a dumpster
I'm not sure if 14 year old me would be disappointed or proud that I fucked him behind her middle school??
Don't do it. He's got a dick the size of a baseball bat. You don't want that commitment.
I have to. For the sake of science.
Dude we were sitting at my place stoned as fuk then someone knocks on the door and it was my neighbor giving me a huge box of cookie dough. Magic of weed.
that blonde bartender and I racked up an impressive mini bar bill last night
Mini bar? Did you get a hotel room?
Yeah, the last thing I need right now is a chick with an insane clown posse tattoo knowing where I live
That’s legit
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